Monday, June 20, 2011

Have a Heart, For Heavens Sake

I realize that the issues I write about in this blog are extremely difficult. I have advocated the radical stance that God does not love everyone, questioned the most foundational beliefs of multiple religions, torn to pieces the arguments of men whose job depends on their performance as apologists, and encouraged readers to revolutionize their entire worldview.

This post is here to recognize that it is difficult to sift through these deep issues. While I have had over a year to process the thoughts which are now being published on this blog, any who have read most of the controversial posts will only have had a short time to think about the things I am saying.

I completely realize that the things I say are scary (because they are scary for me)- especially for Christians and Mormons. Coming from a Christian background myself, I have had to deal with the loss of many things as I go through this process. The scariest part for me is questioning whether or not the infinitely beautiful promises that Jesus makes in the Bible are true. I built my life on those promises- made every major decision from what I would major in to who I would date based on Jesus Christ.

For Mormons, the three posts I published were highly critical. I can entirely understand that it would be pretty disturbing if someone started pointing out major problems with your most fundamental belief.

Honest doubt and looking for answers is emotionally, mentally, and socially difficult. Other people question you- become afraid of what might happen to you. They get uneasy and withdraw. Especially if you are a pastor or involved in some type of ministry- you can't just lightly 'take a season off' because you are suddenly doubting God's existence. Doing something like that could disqualify you from continuing your work. What if you have a family? What do you tell your kids? How do you raise them without an objective moral foundation?

I hope this post has shown a different side of me. I do not enjoy tearing others apart (even though I do it often). I wish that this honest search for truth would end, and I hope that yours will begin if it hasn't yet, carry out its course, and also come to an end as soon as possible (without compromising the integrity of the search).

Until then I will continue to hunt for the truth. I will sacrifice anything and everything in order to find out whether or not god exists: and if he exists- who he is.



  1. Hey Josh! I haven't been commenting, but I just wanted to let you know that I've read all of your posts with excitement. The scope and intensity of your project is very admirable, and I know when I was going through these same doubts I did not go into nearly this amount of depth. I can't wait to see your end result, especially since I've agreed with you thus far, so your end result may change my stance too! Good luck on your continued search!

    (Oh, and speaking as an atheist about the idea that atheists would rather be in hell, if people like the Westboro Baptists are right and they end up in Heaven, then I would rather be in Hell) :)

  2. Thank you so much for your comment, Casey! You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that! I hope you enjoy the future posts too.